I’m part of a Facebook group of Couples Therapists who ask each other for advice, support, and recommendations.
Recently, one therapist asked,
What are the top books you’d recommend to couples so they can develop the skills to “divorce-proof” their marriage?
They then received litany of responses from professionals all over the world.
What were the most common books recommended? Here’s the top 10:
1. Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
Dr. Sue Johnson is well known for her development of what is known as Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), and she presents this knowldge in her book.
In Hold Me Tight, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships through case studies from Dr. Johnson’s practice, as well as her illuminating advice and practical exercises.
2. We Do, by Stan Tatkin
Stan Tatkin is another incredible clinician with his own methodology, known as the A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT).
We Do helps couples understand the psychological and biological influences on their relationship, featuring numerous case studies, dozens of exercises, and recommendations on how to handle conflict.
3. Love Cycles, Fear Cycles,
by David Woodsfellow and Deborah Woodsfellow
If you’re looking for experience, Dr. David Woodsfellow is the therapist for that. He boasts of being a 100% exclusively couples therapist for twenty-four years, with over 25,000 hours of couples therapy helping more than 1,500 couples save their marriages.
In Love Cycles, Fear Cycles, the focus is on turning couple’s negative cycles back into positive cycles. By continuously moving towards greater levels of positivity, couples ensure the success of their relationship.
4. Love in Every Season, by Debra Fileta
Debra Fileta is a relationship counselor whose career can only be described as prolific: the author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, she’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast and has a popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com.
Love in Every Season focuses on the phases of a relationship that almost every partnership goes through. Recognizing the patterns of each season and understanding how to navigate each one with intention is vital to the health of your relationship.
5. Lasting Love, by Alistair Begg
For a more religious perspective, feel free to turn to Alistair Begg: the senior pastor of Cleveland’s Parkside Church, the voice behind the Truth for Life Christian radio.
In Lasting Love, Alistair lays out the theological foundations for marriage and shows what he calls “God’s blueprint” to make marriages sturdy and vibrant.
6. His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard F. Harley
Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed psychologist and marriage counselor with a quite a few enlightening books: Five Steps to Romantic Love; Surviving an Affair; Draw Close; and He Wins, She Wins.
In His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley identifies the 10 most vital needs of men and women, and says that husbands and wives make their marriage sizzle by satisfying those needs in their spouses.
7. Getting the Love You Want,
by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt
Like Dr. Sue Johnson and Stan Tatkin mentioned previously, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt are pioneers in their fields and have their own relationship methodology that they founded with the Imago Institute for Relationship Therapy.
Getting the Love You Want focuses on resolving the power struggle that prevents greater intimacy and teaches partners to learn how to really listen to each other.
8. The New Rules of Marriage, by Terrence Real
Terrence Real is the founder of the Relational Life Institute and you’ve probably seen him on Television or heard him on the radio espousing the best relationship advice.
In The New Rules of Marraige, Real notes that while women in the last twenty-five years–they have become powerful, independent, self-confident, and happy, many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached. Woman now have the power to transform her marriage and men have it in them to rise to the occasion.
9. Not “Just Friends”, by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli
If you’re truly looking to “Divorce-Proof” your marriage, you might need to be prepared for your biggest fear: infidelity.
In Not “Just Friends,” Shirley P. Glass, one of the world’s leading experts on infidelity, draws on more than two decades of original research and hundreds of clinical cases to provide a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity — from suspicion and revelation to healing.
10. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman
It seems that in almost every episode of The Learn to Love Podcast, somebody mentions the work of John Gottman. The nation’s leading research scientist on marriage and family, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, and cofounder of the Gottman Institute, Dr. Gottman knows a lot about what makes relationships succeed and fail.
The culmination of his research can be found in these seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
So, there you have it. Did we miss any books, what do you think? Comment below.
